When I was a pre-teen eons ago, my Mom confessed that when she was a teenager she tried to commit suicide. Obviously, she didn’t succeed. She found a bottle of her father’s sleeping pills and took most of the pills, but left just enough pills for a couple of regularly prescribed doses.
When I asked why she didn’t just take all of the pills, Mom replied, “Because if I took all of Daddy’s pills, he would be mad enough to kill me.”
Okay, granted, I don’t quite get the logic here. Mom wanted to die but yet was scared her father was going to kill her AFTER she died.
Well, actually — there IS no logic. Then again, none of you ever met my Grandfather. Consider yourself lucky.
However twisted this reasoning was, it managed to save my Mom’s life. When I feel suicidal, I tend to do think the same way. “Wait – if I manage to commit suicide Mom will somehow find me and kill me. Yikes! I might as well live.”
Doesn’t make sense, but it works for me! Perhaps it might work for you. When it comes to keeping yourself alive, you do what you have to do. Don’t be embarrassed about it.
Good luck to everyone reading this.